STATS

As if the last post didn't have enough negativity, check this out courtesy of ESPN.com:

The Padres are to offense what Haiti was to the Space Race. We are to scoring runs what Michael Jackson is to breathing. We are as good at hitting as Rush Limbaugh is at belly dancing. We score runs with the same regularity as Charlie Sheen takes his meds. Our slugging percentage is about as high as a Jehovah's Witness in Death Valley.

And other hateful things.