SOME FORMER PADRES FIRST BASEMAN

is having a real tough time adjusting to his new league:

http://espn.go.com/mlb/statistics

I hadn't noticed his stat line really, and now that I know I'm not all that glad I checked. It's like having an ex-girlfriend, and it just so happens we are both invited to the same three-day party June 20th-22nd at her house. She's rollin in with a boob job and a new car her boyfriend bought her after her promotion at work, and we've heading in to this shindig after we've moved back into our parents' spare room, blisters on our hands, and pissed that Dad filled up the Netflix with 3 seasons of Everybody Loves Raymond but psyched that Mom remembered to get our favorite cereal at the store.......Not like that shit's happened to me before................

It's hard times in Friarland: after losing five straight, 8 out of our last 9, being swept by the (equally as) lowly Twins, reaching 600 team Ks for the season, giving up 3 unearned runs late to lose on Father's Day. Now the beaten and bruised Friars are heading to Fenway to face the one of the hottest teams in baseball in the Boston Red Sox.

I'm dreading these three days in June.

That's why Patty Ice and I have made a commitment to drink during this particular inter-league series. Doesn't have to be a rager, but this next few days might be painful and poppa needs some sweet and tender medicine to lull away the night terrors. But hey if you have the time and the means to rage, let's make up some spiteful drinking game rules:

1. Drink every time Adrian comes up, and then once more for every base he touches during that at-bat.
2. Drink for every runner the Padres strand.
3. Drink every time the Padres go down in order.
4. Drink twice for every error, and twice more for every un-earned runs.
5. Drink at the start of every half-inning you are glad Dick Endberg is not in the booth.
6. Drink every time you unknowingly let out a loud sigh.
7. Drink whenever a Padres batter hitting below .250 comes up.
8. Drink for every extra-base hit given up by the Friar staff, twice for every run.
9. Drink whenever a Boston fan is on camera doing something obnoxious.