"Mrs. Gump, is there a Mr. Gump?"

"...He's on vacation."

Good news, bad news. The good news is that we dropped a big fat stinky 14 runs on the Florida Probably Owned by Criminal Assholes today. The bad news is that I didn't, and nor will I watch that because at my job we are working a 50 hour week because next week is company vacation (we get 10 total weekdays off in a year, none by our choosing, and FOUR of them are coming IN A ROW next week). So for next week I've both saved up half a G in cash and I cleaned my floor assuming I will spend one and end up on the other most or all nights. 

Consequently, there might be dead-air for a week while I find new ways to give Americans a bad name. Be safe, stay cool, and as always:

G O  P A D R E S

THANKS FOR THE CASH, BITCHEZ

I liked Sunday's game more than Saturday's game in a lot of ways. Saturday we just pounced on a terrible outing from Zito who seems to mentally flip a coin at the start of every game to see if he'll dominate or be decrepit. Sunday we got hits with runners in scoring position and took advantage of errors. Then I fell asleep during the last few innings so I didn't see how we ended up losing, but f* it.

The Giants fans are doing their best Doyer fans impression, only they are white and smug as opposed to LA fans. Either way there had to have been 12k or more Giants fans at every 40k plus game over the four game series, and yes the out routed the last-place Padres fans, and yes jocked their Championship, but more importantly our franchise probably cleared a pretty penny from ticket sales from those asses not to mention all the beverage sales they consumed to drown out the sorrow of having Zito in uniform.

So yes, come and be atrocious and obnoxious, SF fans, you've got the right to. Also, thanks for all your money, expect Pads fans to do the same never. Tools.

(replace 'happiness' with 'championships', and 'sure' with 'hopefully will')

THE HARDEST JOB IN BASEBALL / WHAT A SHIT GO OF IT WE'RE HAVING

I've been saying for a while that the hardest job in baseball was being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. It was true. The buck-o's have been atrocious for since before the internet was invented (lie), or at least before all the cool stuff came around like this. However today, the Pirates are in first place in the NL Central and that 'hardest job' saying needs a new ending.

About the Friars. This has been the worst 7 games I can remember in the last 15 years. This is coming from someone who knows the scores and then watches the full games anyway and I'm saying: How are we expect to watch this shit? I keep the faith, don't get me wrong, but honestly I got other shit I could be doing besides this utter bukkake of hitting failures and stranded runners. And I love pitching. I could watching good pitching all day. But knowing that it's going to be in vain gives a dick-dipped-in-my-cereal. I turned off the game in frustration today in the 7th knowing I wouldn't regret it, and I didn't.

So here it is: The hardest job in baseball is being a Padres starting pitcher.

You said it, Clay.

Because if you're a SDP starter, what's the point? It's the hardest job in baseball because somehow they continue to find the motivation to actually try, and that can't be easy when the know what's going to happen. They could throw underhand slow-pitch-softball-style and give up a baker's dozen runs an inning, don't make no never mind because a functional Major League Baseball team's hitters should be expected to score more than five runs in SIX games. Five, six. Out of 12 games this month, the Padres have scored two or fewer runs in 9 of those games. Alberto Gonzales is our best clutch hitter.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss Hawp. I miss mopey Adrian, and d-bag Garland. I miss laughter and fun and ginger snaps in the summer's eve whilst the blue birds sing. O what sorrow observing thine team sucking big fat freggin Tijuana donky D at hitting the baseball bringith upon one's soul.

Whatever happens with the rest of this SF series let's just play the Marlins and rip em up for a bajillion runs. Cool? cool. Go Padres, I guess.

SWITCHING IT UP

It's only the top of the second right now, and to be honest I'm playing Call of Duty with game on next to me. But In the first I started to hear something on the broadcast that gave my ear a twitch, and now after Cody Ross's lead-off homerun in the second I figured it out: Dick Endber is officially completely routing for the other team again. Like last year when he spluged to Matt Kemp hitting homeruns, Dick is back to the same BS getting a psyched up with a call along the lines of "And Cody Ross homers for the first place Giants!"

Man, f*ck you, Dick.

THIS WEEK IN HATE: THE WORST ESPN SPORTS NEWS DAY IN HISTORY

Check that out: Don't care. Couldn't possibly care less. Meh care. And to top it all off, a 6 am BYU Media day has got a byline at the top, 'd rather gouge my eyes. In addition my $120 MLB.TV package doesn't include All Star festivities. Worst week in recent sports memory (holla at me 2010 10 game loosing streak).

Keeping the Faith in Tough Times

            A little bit of background: I have been a Padres fan for as long as I have been cognizant of MLB’s existence- sadly, this was the time of the 1993 fire sale.  I was at Tony’s last game due to the September 11 schedule re-shuffle, I remember the run to the World Series in ‘98 (and still have the t-shirt that looks like a team photo to prove it), the hopeful years of the early 2000s, and still rue the momentous Game 163, otherwise known as the game where we are all still waiting for Matt Holiday to touch home plate. What is important here is that all I have ever known as a Padres fan is some level of futility, watching players leave town in their primes. 

            Being a fan of the Padres is like being in on an inside joke.  Fans of other teams don’t quite get it, but for us, staying loyal to the Friars is something we will continue to do, and something we see as a badge of pride. Over the years, we have Believed in the Padres, Kept the Faith, and gotten chills at the sound of the ominous ringing bell.

            And, all of this is why the last two games have stung as badly as any series of Padres baseball has. To fail to score in two straight games may be a hallmark of recent Padres baseball, but to do it against the Dodgers, while only allowing one run each game, is pathetic, and frustrating beyond anything this side of the aforementioned G163.  What every fan knew (and expressed on twitter before and as it was occurring) was that for the no-hitter to be possible, it would take more than nine innings. We knew it before the announcers thought to mention it (although since it was Joe Buck, that’s not saying much), and that’s the worst part. We had no reason to hope.

            We have seen a Padres team in transition the first half of the 2011 season. Early, it was easy to criticize, as players like Hawpe and Cantu didn’t even seem to be trying. It was easy to distance ourselves as fans; only Ryan Ludwick seemed to be taking his poor performance personally. With more and more players on Twitter, interacting with fans, it’s easier to see the effort of young guys Cameron Maybin and Anthony Rizzo; which makes it that much harder to hate the on field product.

            One last note: as fans, we really shouldn’t be as frustrated as we are, but the fact that we do all feel the needs to shout at the TV is good. Hear me out- the Padres came in to the season with no real expectations of being a playoff team again. We all knew they outperformed last year, and that even with Adrian, the playoffs were unlikely this year. Yet, we care about a season that we never really should have even hoped for. So we continue to Believe in our Padres, and Keep the Faith. And that’s a good thing.

David

            

THE BRIGHT SIDE

Let's play the Let's Say game.

Let's say that the Padres sweep 4 in SF like we should have, let's say that we don't go 40 innings (or something like that) scoring only one run on one hit like no one should, let's say that the Giants lose 2 out of three against the Mets and we pile drive the Doyers and keep scoring about 5 a game and take 2 of 3. Let's say that come All Star break, the San Diego Padres are within give-or-take 4 games of the NL West Division leaders capped by a four-pitcher no-hitter on national television.

Great. Freggin awesome. Drunkin festivals in the streets, no pants. What then? Do we NOT look to move Heath Bell? Do we not inquire about deals for Mike Adams? Do we not continue to rebuild and fool ourselves into thinking for a minute that we have another 'contender'?

Last years let down was catastrophic. I honestly thought we were going to win the Series. When we took 2 of 3 in Boston, and when we were looking like we could take down SF in SF, I got to thinking that I don't really need the boys to go on some magnificent run into August if that means halting our progress for the future.  So the bright side is hey, at least we won't get fooled again.

The last few days have been embarrassing. I think at best for this season, standing here at what feels like the lowest of the lows, we should hope to do well against the division, and in general try not to embarrass ourselves too much, and in the mean time I expect management to continue to make moves for the future of the franchise.

AH FIDDLESTICKS

How about our pitchers learn to bunt?

I had three hours before work when the game started so I said, cool I'll relax and watch a full big league ball game. Neither of those happened. Also, to have Dicky E greet you first thing in the AM sorta sucks.

I don't know if I'm Buddy Black do I put in Mike Adams in that situation in 8th. He'd been out there a bunch over the last few days. I remember Gregerson had been roughed up in one of his rehab starts so maybe that was a motivation. Qualls was psyched up yesterday after the play at the plate I think I throw him in there but he's worked a lot too lately. There was just something about that inning in the 8th when it started with Mosley giving up the single you knew something was going to happen -- maybe it was the crowd getting into it. Is that what happens when you win the World Series? You have a packed house with ravenous fans on a Wednesday night against a near last-place team?

Also, I don't get Brian Wilson. He seems like a huge tool, or, a Giant tool if you will. F* him. He should have given up that run in the ninth, we should have won this game. But all will be forgotten tomorrow with a W and 3 outta 4 in SF. With a loss tomorrow it was a simple series split and we're back to basics. C'mon Luebke make whatever podunk town your from proud!!

GO PADS.

THIS IS MY MEMORY OF BRUCE BOCHY FROM THE YEARS 1999-2004

When hat comes off, someone just bought themselves 2 nights in the Bochy's Shithouse Motel

IF YOU AIN'T CHEATIN, YOU AIN'T TRYIN

What a game. First off, Daddy Long Legs is going to get all the headlines, but Lubke... Hot damn Lubke. I mean, the Ms are the worst offensive team in the Senior Circuit. But 6 innings, 2 hits, 0 walks, 7ks is looking might fine. But on to the good stuff:

In the top of the 5th Mayin decides that 3 strikes is plenty and trots down to first base, and NO ONE notices. There are 4 umpires, 9 opposing players in the field, a bevy of bench coaches, managers, trainers, ball boys, pop corn vendors for Seattle and no one stopped him. The Pads then sent Cam running on a 3-1 pitch that Rizzo ground to short, eliminating the double play, and A.Gon hit a hot shot off the SS to plate the game's only run. Then the pen was dominating.

Friday's game was a bit of a c***slap, but I'm not going to sweat it, alls we needs ta do is support Mat Latos tomorrow and we'll have won our 4th straight series.

GO PADS.