PADS DEFY SPACE AND TIME LOGIC TO BECOME THE CUBS OF THE END OF LAST YEAR, HAND THE PIRATES/2010PADRES THEIR 10TH LOSS IN A ROW, KICKING A TEAM WHEN THEIR HOPES WERE ALREADY BROKEN AND SHATTERING THEIR WILL TO PLAY

Title pretty much sums it up.

Didn't catch the last game because I didn't feel like it would be a good gauge of where the Friars are at at this point in the season as we completed a brain bludgeoning sweep of the Buck-os at home. I feel much sympathy and remorse for a team who went from LITERALLY first place and hope for a successful season for the first time in 20ish years, to LITERALLY 10 games out in a LITERALLY a 10 game span as the (formerly) 2nd place Brewers have gone 9-1 in the same span. Wow. Devastating.

F* it, on to NY!

GO PADS.

 Back from vacation and I feel like kicking a tin can down the main street of this ghost town of a blog.

Guess I'll start with the negatives, as is interwebs protocol: I am starting to realize that I gave this team basically four full months of daily dedication, taking a week off to sin, and then trying coming back to the state I used to be in where I'd watch all the games has been really difficult. Why? This is going to be a trash season and it's hard to care about these players. No two-ways about it, and that's just the ebb & flow of Friarlife.

Rizzo didn't do diddly shit at the bigs, and you get the feeling that, like the early 2000s, few-to-none of the players will be relevant in the team's long term plans. Shit baseball games save the good pitching. So it's hard to get the motivation to watch a lot of these contests.

Having that been said, I'm watching this 5-1 whoppin of the Buck-Os right now.

"Mrs. Gump, is there a Mr. Gump?"

"...He's on vacation."

Good news, bad news. The good news is that we dropped a big fat stinky 14 runs on the Florida Probably Owned by Criminal Assholes today. The bad news is that I didn't, and nor will I watch that because at my job we are working a 50 hour week because next week is company vacation (we get 10 total weekdays off in a year, none by our choosing, and FOUR of them are coming IN A ROW next week). So for next week I've both saved up half a G in cash and I cleaned my floor assuming I will spend one and end up on the other most or all nights. 

Consequently, there might be dead-air for a week while I find new ways to give Americans a bad name. Be safe, stay cool, and as always:

G O  P A D R E S

THANKS FOR THE CASH, BITCHEZ

I liked Sunday's game more than Saturday's game in a lot of ways. Saturday we just pounced on a terrible outing from Zito who seems to mentally flip a coin at the start of every game to see if he'll dominate or be decrepit. Sunday we got hits with runners in scoring position and took advantage of errors. Then I fell asleep during the last few innings so I didn't see how we ended up losing, but f* it.

The Giants fans are doing their best Doyer fans impression, only they are white and smug as opposed to LA fans. Either way there had to have been 12k or more Giants fans at every 40k plus game over the four game series, and yes the out routed the last-place Padres fans, and yes jocked their Championship, but more importantly our franchise probably cleared a pretty penny from ticket sales from those asses not to mention all the beverage sales they consumed to drown out the sorrow of having Zito in uniform.

So yes, come and be atrocious and obnoxious, SF fans, you've got the right to. Also, thanks for all your money, expect Pads fans to do the same never. Tools.

(replace 'happiness' with 'championships', and 'sure' with 'hopefully will')

THE HARDEST JOB IN BASEBALL / WHAT A SHIT GO OF IT WE'RE HAVING

I've been saying for a while that the hardest job in baseball was being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. It was true. The buck-o's have been atrocious for since before the internet was invented (lie), or at least before all the cool stuff came around like this. However today, the Pirates are in first place in the NL Central and that 'hardest job' saying needs a new ending.

About the Friars. This has been the worst 7 games I can remember in the last 15 years. This is coming from someone who knows the scores and then watches the full games anyway and I'm saying: How are we expect to watch this shit? I keep the faith, don't get me wrong, but honestly I got other shit I could be doing besides this utter bukkake of hitting failures and stranded runners. And I love pitching. I could watching good pitching all day. But knowing that it's going to be in vain gives a dick-dipped-in-my-cereal. I turned off the game in frustration today in the 7th knowing I wouldn't regret it, and I didn't.

So here it is: The hardest job in baseball is being a Padres starting pitcher.

You said it, Clay.

Because if you're a SDP starter, what's the point? It's the hardest job in baseball because somehow they continue to find the motivation to actually try, and that can't be easy when the know what's going to happen. They could throw underhand slow-pitch-softball-style and give up a baker's dozen runs an inning, don't make no never mind because a functional Major League Baseball team's hitters should be expected to score more than five runs in SIX games. Five, six. Out of 12 games this month, the Padres have scored two or fewer runs in 9 of those games. Alberto Gonzales is our best clutch hitter.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss Hawp. I miss mopey Adrian, and d-bag Garland. I miss laughter and fun and ginger snaps in the summer's eve whilst the blue birds sing. O what sorrow observing thine team sucking big fat freggin Tijuana donky D at hitting the baseball bringith upon one's soul.

Whatever happens with the rest of this SF series let's just play the Marlins and rip em up for a bajillion runs. Cool? cool. Go Padres, I guess.

SWITCHING IT UP

It's only the top of the second right now, and to be honest I'm playing Call of Duty with game on next to me. But In the first I started to hear something on the broadcast that gave my ear a twitch, and now after Cody Ross's lead-off homerun in the second I figured it out: Dick Endber is officially completely routing for the other team again. Like last year when he spluged to Matt Kemp hitting homeruns, Dick is back to the same BS getting a psyched up with a call along the lines of "And Cody Ross homers for the first place Giants!"

Man, f*ck you, Dick.

THIS WEEK IN HATE: THE WORST ESPN SPORTS NEWS DAY IN HISTORY

Check that out: Don't care. Couldn't possibly care less. Meh care. And to top it all off, a 6 am BYU Media day has got a byline at the top, 'd rather gouge my eyes. In addition my $120 MLB.TV package doesn't include All Star festivities. Worst week in recent sports memory (holla at me 2010 10 game loosing streak).